


Homestuck: 45 kink OTP Challenge

by DirkDatAssStrider



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blowjobs, Bondage, Bulges and Nooks, F/F, F/M, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Sex Games, Trans Character, Watersports, handjobs, light footplay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-05-10 16:20:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5592925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirkDatAssStrider/pseuds/DirkDatAssStrider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of oneshots written for the 45 kink OTP challenge. </p><p> </p><p>(It's a lot of smut)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I dont actually know how often I'll update this, but i'll prob update like 6 oneshots at a time 
> 
> Kissing: Rosemary 
> 
> ((Humanstuck! Kanaya is Muslim.))

It was a brisk winter evening when Rose Lalonde made the three block trek to her lovely girlfriend’s penthouse, braving the crowded streets of Manhattan in search of her love’s comforting embrace. The bitter wind bit into Rose’s flushed cheeks, but she didn’t mind. It was rare that Kanaya was home after signing up with a major design label, and Rose was willing to walk across hot coals or frozen tundra in search of her beloved. 

 

After a good twenty minutes full of dodging and distraction, she finally arrived at Kanaya’s building, buzzing in so she could let her in. Kanaya answered a minute or so later, and the doors opened. The lobby to her building was as cool as the frozen outside, and Rose pulled her scarf closer to her nose as she stepped into the elevator. 

 

Kanaya lived on the twenty first floor, so after a long ride upward, she was let into her apartment. The lights were down low, and a faux fire was on in the mantleplace, and for the briefest second, Rose felt like she may have been the only person in the entire world and she was floating, up, up, into the distinct vastness of space with nothing to hold her down—

 

“Rose, dear?” Kanaya’s beautiful accent drifted from the high class sofa, and she could see the silhouette of her dearest against the light of the fire. She was snapped out of her bizarre thoughts as she rushed to be seated next to Kanaya—the beautiful love that she had only seen on Skype for an entire two months. 

 

Kanaya smiled, a genuine, full smile. “Oh, darling, it’s so nice to—“ 

 

Rose couldn’t contain her excitement. She was a calm, controlled person, but in the moment of such overwhelming relief and excitement, she threw her arms around Kanaya’s thin shoulders and kissed her. 

 

Kanaya’s lips were warm contrasted to Rose’s cool ones. They were soft and pliant as she molded her lips against them, tangling her long fingers in Kanaya’s short, shiny black hair. Kanaya made a soft noise between a moan and a squeak and Rose straddled her lap, opening her mouth into the kiss.

 

Kanaya’s tongue was as skillful as Rose had remembered, and equally as hot as it pressed against her willing tongue, sending sears of arousal to her already damp womanhood. It was when Kanaya captured Rose’s bottom lips between her teeth that Rose became more vocal with a lusty moan. 

 

Rose pulled away to breathe properly, pressing her forehead to Kanaya’s. Her chest felt tight with the overwhelming urge to kiss every inch of her girlfriend, from head to toe. Her beautiful Kanaya looked breathless—lips swollen and lipsticked smudged, jade eyes half lidded in lust. 

 

“Well.” Said she, smiling coyly. “I suppose I could think of a nice way to finish our evening, wouldn’t you agree?”


	2. Discovering boundaries: Cronkri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((It’s not really ‘discovering’ boundaries—moreso Cronus really likes hearing Kankri tell him what to do.__. ))

“Is this alright, chief?” 

 

Cronus’s lips were soft against the rough, sensitive skin of Kankri’s grubscars. It sent tingles of unfamiliar pleasure to Kankri’s already sopping nook, and although this was still a fairly new feeling for him, it wasn’t a bad one.

 

Kankri’s voice was wobbly and wavering for once in his life, “Y-Yes, that’s….that’s f-fine.” 

 

Cronus’s smile rivaled the most handsome of trolls. In fact, Kankri did consider Cronus to be one of the handsomest trolls he had ever lain eyes on—and his dark, hungry gaze was focused solely on him.

 

The thought sent shivers down his spine.

 

Cronus had already removed Kankri’s plush sweater, and was making work of unbuttoning his long pants, following the newly freed skin with an assault of kisses. A warm blossom settled in the Cancer’s gut as he watched his matesprit with parted lips and heavy lidded eyes. 

 

Cronus finally freed him from the confines of his pants and boxers—both thoroughly soaked with tacky red fluid. Kankri’s petite bulge had already freed itself and was curling against his thigh, streaking the grey skin red in search of release. 

 

“Cro…nus, please….” Kankri mewled, trying his hardest to keep his hips from thrusting upward into Cronus’s face. “Oh god…” 

 

Cronus laughed—his voice rich and amused. He placed soft kisses on the flesh of Kankri’s spread thighs—sucking and nibbling until Kankri was left a mess of quivers and breathless begs.

 

“Tell me, doll,” whispered Cronus, glancing upward at his mess of a horny matesprit. “Vwhat do you vwant? Can’t do unless you say.” 

 

“Fuhh—ahh, I want—I want y-you—“ Kankri managed, “Puh—please, Cronus.”

 

“Hm? Vwhat do you _vwant_ me to do?” he asked again, running a finger up and down the wet folds of Kankri’s nook, sending shocks of pleasure through his middle. “I’m only bein’ so adamant about askin’ cause I almost got a concussion last time, you dig?” 

 

“Mmmmhm.” Kankri stilled his breathing. It wasn’t fair of him to expect Cronus to know what exactly he wanted—after he had been so vocal about asking for permission before doing. “Cronus, please—please fuhh….fuck me? D-Does that suffice?” 

 

Cronus grinned like a purrbeast with fresh cream. “Yeah, it does.” 

 

Cronus brought his lips down onto Kankri’s pulsating nook, sucking on the base of his bulge with skillful lips. Kankri cried out—fisting the sheets on Cronus’s strange human bed.

 

“No—No!! Cronus, puh—please, fuhhhh—“ Kankri couldn’t stop from begging and pleading. Cronus made a sinful pop noise as he dislodged his lips long enough to swallow his bulge whole. Tears formed in Kankri’s eyes as Cronus worked a finger inside the soft folds, cooking it upward until he found the spot that made him shake.

 

A slight burn accompanied the next two fingers and Kankri couldn’t stop the steady flow of tears that drifted out of the corners of his clenched eyes. Cronus pulled completely out a few seconds later, and Kankri heard the telltell sound of Cronus’s jeans being unzipped and shucked off.

 

Cronus scooped his beloved troll up into his arms, pushing his back against the headboard as he kissed every inch of Kankri’s face. Kankri whimpered as the tip of Cronus’s bulge pushed inside of his wet heat—and screamed as the girth of it settled fully inside. It was shamefully a familiar burn at this point, and Kankri would never admit how much he loved it. 

 

“How do you wvant it?” said Cronus, panting and out of breath—placing soft kisses on the Cancer’s neck.

 

“Hard, fahh--fast.” Said Kankri, wrapping his legs around Cronus’s middle. He placed a soft kiss on the bridge of Cronus’s nose, his smile soft.

 

The bulge inside of him thrusted hard and fast—just how Kankri had requested. Kankri was seriously glad that no one else inhabited this dreambubble, for the pure fact that his scream echoed off of the walls of his matesprit’s hive. He would die of humiliation if someone else were to witness him in this state!!

 

Kankri trilled and purred and moaned, his claws digging into Cronus’s back. With each thrust against his shameglobes, he sobbed with pleasure in the crook of his matesprit’s neck, almost embarrassed to be so emotional. “C-Cronus!”

 

“That’s it, swveetheart. Your vwoice is so fuckin’ pretty.” Cronus cooed, his grunts and groans filling Kankri’s ears as he pounded just a little rougher inside. “Scream just for me—fuck.” 

 

Scream he did, shaking as shocks of pleasure racked through his tiny body. It felt so good—

 

“Cro—nus, I’m close—!“

 

“Shit—me too--!” 

 

It took a few more thrusts against Kankri’s sweetspot for him to fall over the edge—digging his claws into Cronus’s arms as he shook with relief—candy red fluid streaking both of their thighs. It was a few more seconds before Cronus came—burying his face into Kankri’s collar in a wordless cry. Kankri felt the violet liquid slosh in his insides and he pulled a face. 

 

They stayed like that for an entire minute—before Cronus pulled out and a gush of his genetic material followed, spilling onto the sheets. Kankri whimpered, wiping the sweat from his brow. 

 

“A shower is in order, correct?” asked Kankri, nuzzling into Cronus’s collar despite how disgusting he felt. 

 

Cronus laughed. “Sure, chief. Wvhatevwer you vwant.”


	3. On the sofa- Brojohn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((John IS 18!!! I’m not one for underage, a’ight? Also I headcanon John as half Korean. C; P.S. Bro is an audiophile.))

“Cut it out!” John protested, pushing Bro’s head away from the vicinity of his neck. “I’m trying to see what happens to Luke Skywalker—okay?”

 

Bro pouts—well, really, it’s just a slight turn of his lip that only the smartest of Strider observers can catch. Good thing that John’s been best friends with the younger Strider for years—so he’s always pretty aware of the slight variations in Bro’s expressions. 

 

And right now he’s pouting like a five year old being denied a present. 

 

Typical Striders.

 

John snorted, rolling his eyes at the older man. “Nope! No way is that gonna work on me!” 

 

“But John,” Bro starts it again. And by it, John means the assault of soft kisses and sucks on the nape of his neck. “Dave’s gonna be home soon and I ain’t had my way with you yet.” 

 

John fought a whimper, trying his damndest to focus on _Star Wars._ To be honest, he’s watched this one a thousand times and was pretty much just being stubborn.

 

“John….” Bro’s voice was dark and sultry as he trailed his gloved hand to the clothed crotch of the already writhing Egbert, rubbing his leather clad palm over the lump forming there. This time, John can’t stop himself from outwardly groaning, and Bro smiles that smug smile of victory. 

 

John scowled but didn’t say no, so Bro took it as an invitation to reposition John so that John was on his lap, legs spread, still facing the TV. John glanced upward at Bro questioningly, but the man just shrugged and grinned.

 

“Continue watchin’ Star Fours or Star Trek or whatever. I’m just gonna busy myself with…” Bro popped John’s top jean button. “This.”

 

“Pssh, Bro. It’s Star _Wars_ \--ah! Shit, that’s fucking cold, dude!” John protested as Bro wormed his hand into John’s boxers, the flesh cold against the sensitive skin of his half hard dick. He let out a half squeak, half groan at the sensation. “ _Fuck._ ”

 

Bro sucked a spot behind John’s overly sensitive ears, the amusement apparent in his voice. He managed to grasp John’s full length before giving it a soft squeeze. “Hm? You want somethin’, hon?” 

 

John was breathing a little erratic at this point, his head falling back on Bro’s chest. There was no way he was going to pay attention to the movie now. His cheeks were flushed in red splotches as he looked up at his Strider. “Bro. C’mon.” 

 

Bro had pulled out his innocent act. “I don’t understand what you mean.” 

 

John shoved his thumbs in his waistband and shimmed out of his pants and boxers a little more. He threw another lusty gaze at Bro. His voice dripped with sexual heat. “ _Please._

 

“Sure.” His voice sounded a little dazed at John’s display. Bro began slowly, teasingly pumping John’s cock just to get him to full hardness. John marveled at how the leather glove bit into his skin, the friction felt fucking _amazing._ Now the pace was different. It was tortuously slow and unsatisfactory.

 

John’s frown deepened. “You give handjobs like a ninety five year old.” 

 

Bro’s responding chuckle was quite hot and breathless in his ear. “And how would you know?” 

 

John shouldered, trying to maintain his cool. “H-Ha, you’re hilarious. I d-don’t actually get handjobs from ninety year olds, you perv.” 

 

“Hey, dude, I ain’t kinkshamin’ no one.” 

 

 _“Brooooooo.”_ John whined.

 

“Right.” Bro picked up the pace and John closed his eyes in his own smug victory. 

 

Bro was the master at handjobs—seriously someone should give this guy a medal. He knew exactly where to twist his wrist, slide his thumb, and palm the sensitive flesh. Soon John was a puddle of arousal—his glasses fogged up as he whimpered and moaned, writhing against Bro’s assault on his dick and the flurry of hickies on his neck.

 

“Please—fuck yes!” John’s close to sobbing in pleasure as the pace was almost too much for him to bear now, he felt like Bro’s hand was pulling him apart. 

 

“Sing for me, sweetheart, huh? Your voice is so fuckin’ pretty—“ John keened loud enough that the neighbors probably heard. He was beyond caring at this point.

 

Bro continued, just as breathless as he was. “Yes, fuck. The neighbors’ll practically beg me to let you cum. But I won’t. Not less you ask real nice.”

 

John was close, the familiar burn pooling in his abdomen. He was going to have to beg for the privilege to cum. 

 

“B-Bro, please! Please please please please!!” John begged, tears falling freely with the effort of restraint. 

 

“Please what?” Bro smiled sadistically, slowing his pace just slow enough that John had to thrust upward into his waiting hand to regain the friction he craved.

 

“Please let me _cum_!” John begged with an edge of sexual frustration. 

 

Bro paused, but his hand didn’t let up. He wanted for half a minute to say. “Now.” 

 

And John came without hesitation, pearls of his sticky white cum ruining Bro’s clean glove. Bro continued to pump John through his orgasm until he was left a mess of shivering post coital nerves, he chest heaving and his heart pumping.

 

Bro tsked as he observed his ruined glove, and for a second John thought he was going punished for it. But Bro just slipped it off and tossed it under the coffee table, before leaning down to kiss John’s stupid postorgasm grin. 

 

“Better than Star Wars?” Bro asked with a smug grin. 

 

“Yeah.” John said with a pleased sigh. “Way better.” 

 

===>

 

It was a few hours later when Dave found the cumsplattered glove under the coffee table whilst cleaning up a spilled popcorn mess. He didn’t hesitate to toss it in the garbage with a slur of colorful curses about just how fucking gross it was.


	4. Oral sex- Davejade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((This is Alpha!DaveJade They’re both 23. Jade is Male to Female trans in this! She’s pre surgery, but takes estrogen!.))

To be honest, Dave _really_ hated these fancy parties. 

 

A rented hotel ballroom decorated to the T with admittedly ironic Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff party favors, (Everything from SBaHJ napkins to character shaped candies), A list celebrity guests, and musical performances by even the best singers won’t cover up the fact that Dave had to stick to being on his absolute best behavior. There’s no telling who could be a paparazzo these days. 

 

What also blows is the constant stream of “Oh, have you brought someone _special_ tonight?” or “Have you gotten a significant other recently?” 

 

Dave especially hated these questions because _yes_ , he did have a significant other. And _no_ , he wasn’t going to parade her around like arm candy. That’s just what they wanted so they could all have the “inside scoop” on Dave Strider’s life.

 

Jade was famous in her own respect—she’d won a novel peace prize already for her advances in the scientific community. But Dave wasn’t going to put her in a position where she would constantly be hounded by creepy stalkers. They’d chew her adorable face up and spit her out with those awful, slanderous rumors. That’s why Jade never showed up at these parties because it would be nearly impossible for the two to keep their hands off of each other. 

 

It had been exactly two hours into this rubbing elbows fiasco when Dave’s phone dinged and he excused himself from a conversation with Owen Wilson and his wife to go check the text.

 

The hallway was empty with the exception of a maid. Surely she wasn’t going to spy on his text message. Still cautious, he cradled his phone in the corner of the corridor. 

 

It was Jade. 

 

**From: jade mccutebutt**

 

**hey!! <3 <3 **

 

**i know you’re busy right now but i checked into our room! i’m upstairs if you want to find me! ^_~**

 

**room # 601! we’re the top floor penthouse! ^3^**

 

Dave smiled doofily at the screen for a few seconds, before looking up cautiously again. How hard would it be to sneak out of a party for his own movie? Hmmm. 

 

He shot his publicist a call, and when she didn’t answer, he left a well-acted voice mail detailing exactly how much he was vomiting and to not worry, that he was just going to go sleep it off and not to disturb him. 

 

He practically ran to the elevator, not deterred by the teenagers snogging in the corner. He jambed the button harder than needed and focused on keeping his head down, trying not to alert his horny companions of his true identity as a movie star. 

 

They seemed really interested in each other’s throats anyway. Even when the elevator stopped on the third floor—their floor, they didn’t stop as they shuffled off. Dave smiled as he made eye contact with the girl through the closing crack of the elevator, and her eyes bugged out in surprise as she gasped. 

 

“Holy shit, that’s _Dave Strider_ !” 

 

The elevator closed before anything else could be saved and Dave snorted at his own hilariousness. 

 

The elevator stopped a floor short of the penthouse, and Dave had to walk up a flight of stairs until he reached the penthouse. At two knocks, Jade answered. 

 

It had been a good two weeks since Dave had lain eyes on her, and she was a cool drink of water in the hottest, driest desert. Dave grinned at the sight of her. She was wearing a thin, billowy green top with a low cut, a pair of lacy green panties that fit around her cute bulge, and a pair of fuzzy pink bunny slippers. Her long raven tresses were tied up in a messy bun and her glasses were nowhere to be found. 

 

She smiled and pulled Dave inside before shutting the door. She wrapped him in a tight, warm hug that had Dave standing on his tiptoes to kiss her goofy smile. 

 

She smelled like lavender and vanilla, and the scent was to inviting that Dave buried his face in her collar and let out a pleased sigh. 

 

“So,” She giggled and kissed the top of his head. “What exactly did you tell your publicist to get out of it?” 

 

“That I was leakin’ from both ends.” Dave explained, looking up at her from the rim of his shades. “I missed you way more than I cared about kissin’ the company president’s ass.” 

 

“I’m glad.” She hummed, green eyes sparkling, “I have to admit that I have my own selfish reasons for monopolizing your night, Mr. Strider.” 

 

“Oh really?” Dave returned her mischievous smile. “What could you possibly need me for?”

 

She looked a little sheepish, her olive face flushing. “I might have….disobeyed the no touching myself rule last night.” 

 

Dave extracted himself from her grip, his expression turning to unamusement. “Tsk, tsk. Why?” 

 

“I didn’t mean to!” She protested, crossing her arms and looking indignant. “To be completely fair, it _was_ your fault!” 

 

“My fault?” Dave’s smirk returned, and he crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“Your stupid sexy face came on TV last night,” she explained, pouting. “And it was that stupid interview that you _insisted_ on eating a dickshaped cherry red popsicle.” 

 

Dave couldn’t stifle his laughter, remembering that interview fondly. Pretty sure the interviewer left with a stiffy. 

 

“Don’t laugh!” Jade said indignantly, her ears turning bright red. 

 

“Jade,” Dave stood on his tiptoes again, placing a chaste kiss on her lips. His let his hand cup her already growing erection. “That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever fuckin’ heard.”

 

She whimpered, a shaky breath coming from her parted lips. “ _Dave_ , please.” 

 

“Please, what?” Dave kissed her jaw slowly, his fingertips trailing up her exposed nape. His other hand rubbed her dick to full hardness. 

 

“ _Please._ ” 

 

He smiled against her skin and locked his fingers with hers before dragging her to the heart shaped bed in the other, bigger room. She plopped herself onto the bed without being directed to, legs spread and chest heaving in pants. Her petite dick strained against the translucent fabric of her panties. 

 

She was _lovely_. 

 

Dave slipped off his shades and placed them on the bedside table before loosening his maroon tie. He drew out the process as long as possible, until Jade started whimpering and Dave lost every shred of self-control he had. 

 

He placed herself between her waiting legs, glancing up at her wanton expression. He let out a hot breath against the lump and she gnawed on her bottom lip, her thighs quivering in anticipation. 

 

He ran his tongue over her straining erection and she keened, her hips straining up to get more delicious heat. Dave slipped his thumbs in the waistband, freeing her throbbing member from its confines. He ran his fingertips up the sensitive skin before slipping the flushed head into his mouth, swirling his tongue and sucking hard. 

 

“Fuuu—ah!” Jade’s back arched up and she cried out, her voice echoing off of the walls. 

 

Dave smiled and pushed down further, bobbing his head until her entire length rested comfortably on his tongue. The searing silky flesh burned against his sensuous tongue, and when Jade’s hips pistoned up, Dave didn’t stop her, letting her fuck his face eagerly. 

 

“Daaahhh—Dave!” That was all of the warning he got before she came, and Dave swallowed her seed without protest. He slipped off of her softening length and shot her a smug grin. 

 

She looked completely undone, cheeks flushed, skin shiny with sweat, lies parted. “Hah… hah. _Dave._ ” 

 

Dave knew what that meant. He shifted his position so he could kiss her fully and hotly. She was perfect. 

 

She sighed against his lips, looking pleased. “I love you.” 

 

“I love you too.” He fell against her chest, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug.


	5. Something new- Dirkjake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((Ahahaha Watersports!!))

It had been Jake who suggested it. Surprisingly. 

 

Jake wasn’t exactly vanilla in the bedroom, but at the mention of watersports, Dirk dropped his spoon into his soup, staring at his embarrassed, blushy boyfriend with wide eyes. 

 

“Huh.” Dirk said, using a napkin to wipe up the splattered soup mess. 

 

“S-So,” Jake pressed, obviously eager for an answer. He shifted in the wooden seat, face flushed bright red.

 

“Sure.” Dirk tried to seem nonchalant about it, but if he were completely honest, he was a little excited about it too. He would love to see Jake writhing under him as he pressed against his bladder—

 

“Really?” Jake asked in excitement, looking hopeful. “Because I’d like it if you were the one to… um… well, how do I say this nicely? _Piss yourself._ ”

 

Dirk dropped his spoon again, mouth agape in surprise. “Really now?” 

 

“Well, y-yes! If… If that’s _agreeable_.” Jake flashed Dirk the patented puppy dog eyes, and Dirk felt his resolve crumble. 

 

He heaved a sigh. “Uh… sure. Yeah. I can do that.” 

 

===>

 

On The Night, the night that Dirk agreed to indulge Jake’s newfound kink, the two sat on the couch, watching a shitty sitcom silently. Jake had his arm around Dirk’s shoulders protectively, and Dirk was curled into Jake’s side, absentmindedly sipping at his seventh cup of ice water. This was really just a dumb way to pass time until the urge to piss hit, but Dirk really couldn’t bring himself to argue. Jake was warm and soft and it felt nice to have him so close and to have him waiting on Dirk hand and foot. 

 

Jake would get up and refill his Batman mug every time it became empty, and by his twelfth cup, Dirk felt the familiar squeeze in his abdomen. He leaned up to press a small kiss on Jake’s lips. “I think…I think it’s time.” 

 

Jake grinned and looked absolutely overwhelmed. He stammered, “O-Oh, C-Can you walk?” 

 

Dirk chuckled, slid his shades off, and stood, flipping the TV off. “C’mon dude, I ain’t a baby.” 

 

Jake scrambled to follow him to the bedroom, and pounced on his boyfriend like a bowl of fresh cream as soon as the door to the bedroom closed behind them. Dirk allowed himself to be pulled on Jake’s lap, revealing in the sensation of Jake’s warm lips on the nape of his neck. Although pleasurable, it still didn’t cover up the pressing need to piss. Dirk actually _whimpered_ when Jake’s hand cupped the front of his pants and squeezed.

 

“Hold it.” Jake’s voice got husky—the sweet tone that he got when he was horny as hell. That almost mad Dirk want to whimper again. 

 

Dirk did as he was told, although it was becoming increasingly more difficult as Jake spread his legs. Jake’s warm hands trailed up the front of Dirk’s baggy hoodie, he attacked the blonde’s nipples with rubs and pinches. The sensation shot to his dick and he felt himself leak just a little, just enough to make a small wet spot on the front of his MLP pajama bottoms. 

 

“Shit.” He muttered, his face burning.

 

“Hm?” Jake looked down at the damp spot on Dirk’s crotch and clicked his tongue in disappointment. “I thought I told you to hold it, love.” 

 

“I-I…” Dirk was really at a loss for words. Embarrassment flamed in his cheeks.

 

Jake sucked a hickey into Dirk’s skin, biting down hard enough to draw blood. Dirk gasped and keened, and another hot jet of urine spilled out of him. He prayed that Jake didn’t notice.

 

“ _Dirk._ ” Jake’s voice took an authority that gave Dirk a full body shiver. 

 

Fuck. “Fuck.” 

 

“You’re being a bad little boy, Strider. Making a mess of my pants and everything.” Jake tsked, his breath hot in Dirk’s ear. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

 

“I’m…..I’m….” He swallowed, trying to regain control over himself. He can’t believe how aroused he got over being called a bad little boy. Fuck. “Sorry, sir.”

 

“Damn right you are.” Jake’s voice got a hard edge to it when he was addressed as ‘sir’. Jake’s hands slipped into the waistband of Dirk’s pants, and his forearm dug into Dirk’s bladder at the odd angle. Dirk sucked in a breath as Jake grabbed his half hard length, thumbing the tip roughly. 

 

“ _Jake._ ” Dirk pleaded, surprised by how breathless and needy he sounded. 

 

“Hm?” Jake’s wrist dug into his bladder some more and Dirk gasped at the sensation.

 

“Jake—fuuuu—ck. Please let me piss, oh my fucking god.” Dirk demanded, writhing impatiently. 

 

“Hmmm, nope.” Jake’s voice was coy and mischievous. “You’re going to have to ask me nicer than that, babydoll.” 

 

Dirk sucked in another deep breath, he shoulders shaking with the effort. He felt the peck of tears at the corner of his eyes. He dropped his voice to a whisper. “Puh—please let me piss, _sir_.” 

 

“Go ahead, baby.” Jake squeezed Dirk’s dick again, and Dirk almost screamed with relief. “Make a mess of us both.” 

 

Dirk tried to release, but for the first time, he couldn’t. He practically sobbed. “Ja—Jake…I _can’t._ ” 

 

Jake kissed the shell of his shaky boyfriend’s ear. He hummed softly, “Yes you can, love. Relax.”

 

Dirk took another deep breath and a small stream of urine came trickling out before the floodgates opened, and the hot, tacky liquid soaked both of their laps. Jake made a pleased sound, and Dirk felt the tears in his eyes flood down his cheeks as shame and embarrassment and relief all shook through him at the same time. 

 

“Fuck, sweetheart. Precious. You’re doing so good, Dirk.” Jake talked him through it, placing a flurry of kisses all over his neck. “Beautiful.” 

 

As Dirk finished with a shiver, the sheets and the mattress under them were a soppy puddle. Dirk felt Jake’s hardness against his ass and he managed a half laugh as he rocked against it.

 

“I’ll take care of _that_ after we shower.”

 

Jake beamed, still looking breathless and turned on. He planted a chaste kiss on Dirk’s soft lips. “Agreed.”


	6. Romantic evening- Rosemary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((NOT humanstuck. Anniversaries count as romantic evenings, right? Hehehe.))

Rose Lalonde had always looked positively stunning in lavender.

 

Kanaya thought this as Rose crossed their shared respiteblock, wearing nothing but a sheer translucent billowing lavender top and a pair of lacy black underwear. The top, being completely see through, showed the perfect swell of her small, but cute rumplespheres. Or as Rose would say, _breasts_.

 

Kanaya’s face flamed. 

 

“Are you busy, dear?” Rose asked almost innocently, blinking her wide, lavender eyes. 

 

Kanaya smiled warmly. “Well, I was busying myself with sketching a ballgown for your brother, but I suppose that could wait.”

 

Rose giggled girlishly as she straddled Kanaya’s hips, wrapping her arms around the troll’s neck. “What in the world would Dave do with a ballgown, dear?” 

 

Kanaya shrugged, “Of that I am not aware. He specifically paid for a ballgown for him and Karkat.”

 

Rose didn’t continue the conversation, instead opting to kiss Kanaya’s rough skin, dragging her lips over the troll’s inviting nape. Kanaya hummed in satisfaction, gazing down at Rose’s pink rosy nipples as the poke out under the thin fabric of the shirt. Rose gasps quietly when Kanaya cups the soft flesh, rolling her thumbs over the sensitive nubs. 

 

“What brought this on, darling?” Kanaya was proud at how she could maintain her calm. 

 

“I wanted to do something special.” Rose answered, her lips brushing against Kanaya’s skin, “This _is a special day, after all.”_

_Kanaya’s eyes widened in shock and realization. She grimaced, voice solemn. “Rose…I am so sorry. I have forgotten our anniversary.”_

_Rose laughed—a soft, tittering sound. She stopped to look up at her beloved. “It’s fine, Kanaya. I wouldn’t have remembered if it weren’t for my journal reminding me.”_

_Kanaya let out a breath of relief, smiling softly. “I am glad we’ve remained red for two human years.”_

_“I’m glad too,” Rose whispered, pressing her lips against Kanaya’s plush ones. “Less talking, more kissing.”_

_Kanaya complied, kissing Rose back with all her might. She was mindful of her teeth, however. One too many accidents caused her to be cautious with her fragile skinned matesprit. She let Rose control the kiss, opening her mouth when prompted to do so. Rose’s mouth is searing hot—and Kanaya actually whimpers, threading her hands in Rose’s soft blond hair._

_Rose rocks against Kanaya’s lap, and the troll can feel her bulge stir up in interest at the movement. It comes out fully and writhes against her thigh when Rose begins palming the base of Kanaya’s oversensitive horns._

_“Rose…” Kanaya breaks the kiss to breathe. “Would you mind terribly if we…” Swallow. “Continue this on your human bed?”_

_Rose looks equally as disheveled, lipsticked smudged and cheeks flushed. “Yes… yes, that would be fine.”_

_Kanaya beams at her, scooping Rose up so that her thighs wrap around her waist. She walked carefully over to the plush, human bed, before laying rose down carefully like a glass doll. Kanaya pounced on her lips once more, before dragging them down her nape and to her waiting collarbone, sucking the soft skin and leaving purplish bruises in her wake._

_Rose was practically writhing when Kanaya made it to her breasts. The troll took her time sucking her nipples through the soft fabric, just hard enough for Rose to whimper softly._

_“ _Kanaya._ ” That was a warning. _

_Kanaya smiled against the fabric. “Hm?”_

_“P-Pardon my French,” Rose stammered, swallowing. “But please, for the love of my sanity, just fuck me.”_

_Kanaya grinned, taking her turn to be coy. “Particularly eager this evening, aren’t we?”_

_“Yes, god. Yes, I am.” Rose said wantonly, spreading her legs. She was being overdramatic, giggling and snorting, but it was incredibly hot either way. “I’m just _craving_ your big bulge, Kanaya, oh god.”_

_Kanaya blinked, temporarily stunned by the lewd display. It took her a few tries before she finally slipped out of her skirt, folding it neatly before sitting it on the edge of the bed. The front of her white panties were soaked jade with her genetic material and her bulge was already attempting to free itself from its fabric confines. She slipped them off, and next Rose’s, adding them to the pile. Then, slowly, she positioned herself between Rose’s soft legs._

_Rose grinned, leaning up to kiss Kanaya’s flushed cheeks as her bulge pillowed the waiting hole. Rose made a soft sound of approval, kissing Kanaya’s pointed ear and whispering encouragement as Kanaya pushed until her entire length was inside._

_“I love you.” Rose proclaimed as Kanaya’s bulge started to move. It rubbed against her inner walls deliciously, able to hit her g spot with ease. Rose practically melted into a mess of gasps and giggles._

_Kanaya kissed her matesprit silly as she panted, loving the tight squeeze around her eager bulge. She spoke breathlessly, “I share your human sentiment.”_

_“A-Ah!” Rose’s back arched, and the change of angle let Kanaya’s bulge sink in even deeper. Sparks of pleasure shot up her spine._

_As Kanaya’s bulge picked up speed, the two of them diffused into a sweaty, panting mess. Arousal cradled in Rose’s gut and she cried out a few moments later in her sweet release. As the muscles tightened amazingly around her bulge, Kanaya followed a few thrusts later, burying her head in Rose’s collarbone. Her genetic material flooded Rose and spilled out onto the sheets._

_They stayed like that for a few more seconds before Rose let out a breathy laugh._

_“Let’s shower, beautiful.” She said, placing a soft kiss on Kanaya’s forehead. All the troll could do was nod._


	7. First time- Davekat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((awkward teenage boners. They’re both 17. Takes place on the Meteor. Also Dave is a bottom!!!!!:D ))

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you’re nervous.

 

You’re allowed to be nervous, sure, but there’s no way you’re going to admit that. Karkat knows he’s about to swipe your V card but the least you can do is remain cool about it. No need to get all sappy, right? 

 

You’ve be dating the king of shouts for a good year now, and none of your hot and heavy make out sessions had really progressed below the belt. This was partly due to the fact that both of you were absolutely terrible at communication and neither of you could get over your nerves enough to say hey, is it cool if we fuck now?

 

It was really a fluke that brought up the topic in conversation. 

 

You had been smothering him with one of your patented Strider Hugs©, running your fingers up his ticklish, sensitive sides. 

 

“Fuck you!” He screeched and howled in between laughs, trying his damnedest to knock you off of him.

 

You hadn’t thought before you spoke and when the words left your mouth you really wouldn’t bring yourself to regret them.

 

“Would you?” you’d asked, eyebrows tilted in question. 

 

He immediately stopped flailing and looked up at you with his wide, red flicked eyes. His ashen cheeks got the barest hint of a red flush to it, and he was rendered momentarily speechless. 

 

Embarrassment curled up in your gut but you didn’t speak, too afraid that if you spoke, you’d say something incredibly stupid. You just looked down at him, frozen in the position with your legs straddling his waist. 

 

He shifted, looking right into your expectant gaze. “Uhhh. Yeah. Sure, I mean. Yes.” 

 

You managed a half smirk at this, but your heart was dancing in your chest. “Really?”

 

“Yeah. I’d fuck you.” he deadpanned, totally serious. “Although, I’m not entirely sure how…. how that would work seeing as how you’re the type of human without a nook.” 

 

You knew what a nook was from a previous lesson on troll anatomy via a smug Rose Lalonde. Obviously Karkat also knew what he was talking about. Cool. That saved you from a weird conversation. 

 

You snuggled into his neck, too afraid to say this where he could see your expression. “Well, human males fuck each other. Uh. Up the ass.”

 

“Oh.” Karkat said and then returned to being silent for a while. 

 

It was a good five minutes of listening to each other’s frantic heartbeats before Karkat’s hands trailed lower, his warm palms resting on your ass. 

 

“I think,” He began, and you could tell he was incredibly embarrassed. “I think we could do that… if you want.”

 

“Dude.” You breathe out in relief. “Hell fucking yes.” 

 

===>

 

That led to your current situation. 

 

You had agreed to do it in your room—the bed was way more comfortable than Karkat’s. Your sunglasses were in your sylladex, along with your tshirt and pants. You sat on your bed wearing nothing but a pair of Spiderman boxers, gnawing on your bottom lip nervously. 

 

Karkat crossed the room dressed similarly, only wearing a pair of nondescript grey boxers. He was shorter than you, sure, but years of practicing to be a threshicutioner had his muscles visible and compact under his skin, rippling with each movement. 

 

He flashed you one of his rare, genuine smiles as he pulled a bottle of lube out of his sylladex. It landed beside you and you regarded it with a snort.

 

“ _Strawberry_ , Karkat? Really?” You ask as you study the tube of flavored lube. “Where the fuck do you even get the code for this?”

 

“Rose, surprisingly.” He said, shuddering at the recollection. “Although, I think I traded my fucking soul to her for it.”

 

You laugh. It comes out all breathy and nervous sounding. 

 

He notices. Of course he does. His eyebrow quirked and his expression was pulled serious. “We don’t have to do this, Strider.” 

 

“Nah, dude. I’m good.” You say in all seriousness. You _were_ good. You wanted to do this. It was nothing but pre show jitters, probably.

 

“…..Okay.” 

 

It started like it always does, with Karkat gently pushing you down on the bed, peppering your face and jawline with an array of cautious kisses. Karkat was always so careful not to wreck your skin with his teeth or his claws, and you could tell that he appreciated how much trust you were giving him. 

 

Except this time, Karkat decided to bump it up a notch. 

 

His hands trailed down to your crotch ever so slowly, slipping into the elastic waistband with ease. You let out a startled gasp, and he kissed it out of you, his lips rougher and warmer than yours. You didn’t want to own up to the whimper that came out of you when his hand wrapped around your already half hard dick. 

 

He stopped kissing you briefly, looking at you with a smug grin. You were at a loss for words that weren’t fuck or shit. Karkat was hot when he was all into being in charge.

 

He gave your dick a few experimental pumps and your breath hitched. Yeah. Okay. Uh huh. 

 

That was nice.

 

Karkat laughed at how crazy your blissed out expression was. His laugh was nice—rough and rumbly. You pulled him down into another kiss, this one hot and openmouthed. His sandpaper tongue ran over yours, teasing the hot flesh of your mouth.

 

Yep. Full on Bonertown. Population Dave Strider.

 

Your hips ground up against his, and he gasped against your lips as you brush against his….uh…

 

Well. Bonertown: Population two. 

 

It’s your turn to smirk smugly at him as you break the kiss, and he’s just about as flushed and jittery as you are. You pull him down close, pressing your lips to the shell of his pointed ear, “Karkat. You’ve got me hornier than a religious freak meeting Mel Gibson.” 

 

The metaphor’s probably lost on him but he chirps happily regardless, moving to slips your boxers entirely off, discarding them on the floor somewhere. There’s a brief moment of insecurity as he stops his ministrations to look at it—and you can’t tell if he grossed out or what. 

 

“Take a picture, bro.” you say after a few seconds of silence.

 

He runs his index finger up the side of the sensitive flesh, stopping to rub the pearly bead of pre around your flushed head. Your breath hitches, but his expression is that of being focused. Like it’s a science experiment.

 

“Can you move it?” he asks after a few seconds, eyebrows quirked in question. 

 

“Dude, of course I can’t move it. Why would you—“

 

Without warning, Karkat ran his sandpaper tongue up the side of your dick and you practically howled, the sound echoing off of the wall. He continued, taking just your flushed head into his mouth, being mindful of his teeth, his fingertips idly playing with your balls. You almost bite your bottom lip off to restrain a moan bubbling up in your throat, but when he sucked particularly hard, the moan escaped along with a string of profanity.

 

Karkat stopped once more to look at you, pulling off of your dick with a wet pop. His lips quirk into a smile. “What was that?” 

 

You scowl at him, “If you don’t put your fucking bulge in me right now, my dick’ll turn blue, asshole.” 

 

“I’m not entirely sure what that means,” He began, coyly. “But sure. I will.” 

 

He grabbed the lube and for a second, you could sing praises. But then you noticed his claws again and your dick almost ran in fear. 

 

“Nope, no, no way are you going anywhere near my ass with those things, Freddy Krueger.” You snatch the lube from him and he frowns like a five year old being denied their favorite treat. 

 

“Fine, whatever.” He says indignantly, crossing his arms.

 

You grasp the lube in your hands carefully. You could do this. You got this. It’s just an ass. No biggie.

 

A bright idea strikes you and now it’s your turn to push Karkat down. He looks at you questioningly but you just smile as you busy yourself with slathering your fingers in the sweet smelling lubricant.

 

“I’m going to ride the shit out of you.” You finally give him an answer and his eyes go wide but he doesn’t protest. 

 

You curl against him, head buried in his shoulder. Your ass is up in the air, for everyone to see, and as you shove the first finger in, you can’t stop the shuddered gasp at the odd feeling. 

 

Karkat’s busying himself with kissing every possible inch of your skin he can reach. He’s whispering sweet nothings and you almost want to kiss him again but you can’t. You have to focus. 

 

As soon as you’re used to the first finger, you add a second, and damn, it’s tight. It takes a little longer to get used to this one, but after you can scissor your fingers with ease and a low hum of pleasure accompanies the burn, you add the third.

 

It’s…. not enough. You almost want to fuck yourself, but you remember the patient body under you and you remove your fingers, wiping them off on the sheets. You’re breathless and panting as you meet his expectant gaze.

 

“I think. I think I’m ready.” 

 

His eyes almost burn at this, and he’s quick to slip his boxers down far enough to free his….. bulge. That’s exactly what it was. A bulge. A cherry red tentacle-like bulge that was just a little bit bigger than your dick. It glistened even in the low light and you knew I was coated with his ‘genetic material’. It moved and writhed in anticipation and it was Karkat’s turn to be insecure. You hadn’t realized you’d been staring. 

 

“Strider…. Dave?” It’s a question. He’s wondering if you’re too weirded out and want to stop.

 

“No, dude. I was just gettin’ my admirin’ on.” You answer in a soft whisper, placing a soft kiss on his lips. “Go ahead.” 

 

And it’s cold at first, but as the wiggly, tentacle-like appendage makes it past the first tight ring of muscles, the rest of it slips in almost too easily. 

 

It hurts at first, but as you straighten yourself out, sitting on his bulge, it feels amazing. You’re almost tempted to let it do the work for you, but when you move your hips, a blossom of pleasure explodes in your abdomen and you can’t stop the keen that comes out of you. 

 

“Fuuuuuuuck.” You pant, and you’re all too eager to move again. You’re rewarded with the head of his bulge pressed against your prostate and your vision goes white for a good few seconds, mouth agape.

 

“Holy shit.” You’re shaking. “How come….we didn’t do this sooner?” 

 

He laughs, but it’s actually a nervous, tittering sound. “Because we’re both shit at talking.”

 

“Right.” You say, and you move your hips faster, almost at a bruising pace. Karkat’s claws are digging into your hips, probably drawing blood, but you could care less. The familiar burn of an impending orgasm is building in your stomach and that’s all you can focus on.

 

Karkat’s close too, his chirps and titters are louder, and they sound incredibly fucking hot. His bulge is pistoning against your prostate and it takes a second to realize that you’re crying. 

 

Fuck.

 

You promised yourself you weren’t going to be sappy.

 

But you love him. You really do. He’s perfect and beautiful and amazing and you’re actually really fucking happy that it’s him. You don’t know how to say that without sobbing, so you don’t. You only wish he’s feeling the same way.

 

“Fuh—Kar—ahh! Shit, right there!” You’re probably loud enough to wake up the entire meteor but you just realized you didn’t really care. You didn’t care to let Karkat see you cry. 

 

You practically sobbed in relief as you came. It was almost like all of your tension seeped out of you as you painted both of your stomachs white with your release. You fall against him as he continues his bruising pace into your oversensitive body until he comes, filling up your insides with his cum. He threw his head back, emitting the hottest growl you’ve ever heard. 

 

You kiss his stupidly hot face when he looks back at you. “Good show, good show.”

 

He snorts and paps your face. “Dork.”


	8. Sex game (first to come loses)-Davesol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((Humanstuck!! Sollux and Dave are lanky scarecrows and I love them. Sollux is half Japanese.))

“Fuck, DV. Get off.” Sollux whined as he unsuccessfully tried to knock his lanky boyfriend off of his back. He was trying his hardest to focus on his assignment for his Computer Coding class, and Dave wasn’t making it easy.

 

Dave didn’t budge, instead tightening his koala hug, squeezing Sollux closer to him. He nuzzled his face into the crook of Sollux’s neck, sighing contentedly. “That’s what I’m aimin’ to do.” 

 

Sollux snorted in disbelief, but he didn’t stop typing. “Ith thith your way of trying to woo me?” 

 

“Possibly.” Answered Dave, expression full of innocence. “Is it working?” 

 

“Dependth.” Sollux said, his lip curling into a sly smile. 

 

“On what?” 

 

“On if you’re planning on making it intrethting, Thrider.” He said, already saving his work on his laptop. Of course Dave was going to make it interesting. 

 

“Hm.” Dave released his grip on Sollux’s back and moved to his front, scooting Sollux’s computer chair back from his desk. He removed his sunglasses, sitting them carefully on the edge of the desk.

 

He was smirking as he straddled Sollux’s legs. It was awkward where they were both so tall, but neither of them cared. Dave’s voice took on the sultry tone it got when he was horny, “I could think of a few ways.” 

 

Sollux raised a brow. “Care to thare with the clathth?” 

 

Dave wrapped his arms around Sollux’s neck. “A bet. First one to cum loses.” 

 

“Hm.” Sollux stroked his chin thoughtfully. “What doeth the winner get?” 

 

“Well,” Dave smiled. It was predatory and alluring at the same time. “If I win, all I want is one of your fantastic blowjobs. But if you win….I guess I’d let you try out that rope bondage thing you keep asking about.” 

 

“Thoundth acceptable.” Sollux mirrored his grin. He really wanted to try out bondage on Dave. After all, Dave would look absolutely adorable dangling from the ceiling. “Better think of a good thafeword, though. I’m not going to lothe.”

 

“Big talker, huh?” Dave was already making work of unbuttoning Sollux’s dark grey jeans. “Let’s see how you fare, dude.” 

 

Dave freed both of their dicks in no time, using his hand to pull them together. Sollux was just a bit bigger than Dave, but Dave was wider, and already half hard, probably from being horny before this, and Sollux’s grin grew at the sight.

 

“You’ve got a headthart on me.” He said, leaning up to kiss Dave’s lips. Just the barest brush. Dave was a sucker for teasing. 

 

Dave scowled almost immediately, using his free hand to cover Sollux’s lips and push him away. “Nope. Only handjobs. No touching. No kissing.” 

 

Sollux pouted, his eyebrows furrowing. “Any other ruleth, princethth?” 

 

“Nope.” Dave smiled innocently again, batting his eyelashes. “Dirty talk is free game.” 

 

“Oh damn.” Sollux breathed out as Dave started pumping his hand over their flushed dicks. “Tho I can tell you exactly how much and how hard I’m going to fuck you when I totally beat your athth at thith game?”

 

Dave let out a little half sigh and slowed his hand for a second, trying to regain his composure. “I hate you.” 

 

“Hey, you thaid it wath legal.” Sollux let out his own shaky breath when Dave’s hand picked up again, his thumb rubbing over pre cum on both heads.

 

“Your _voice_ shouldn’t be legal. My poor ears are bleeding.”

 

“Heheheheh. Thure.”

 

“You’re terrible.”

 

“Thure am.” Sollux leaned close to Dave’s ear, but kept his distance from actually kissing him, “You know what I like? When your athth ith all open for me, drooling like a whore’th mouth. Begging for my cock--” 

 

“Oh my god.” Dave buried his head in Sollux’s collarbone, a full body shiver passing through his body. “I’m really starting to regret the whole dirty talk thing, fuck.” 

 

Sollux laughed. His own face was flushed as his dick was, and the familiar beginnings of an orgasm pulled in his gut. Dave was a lot further than he was, though. He was already doing the soft whimpering thing that he does when he’s close. This was going to be a piece of cake. 

 

“Dave,” Sollux whispered again, intentionally letting his hot breath brush over Dave’s oversensitive ear. 

 

“Hm?” answered Dave, too far gone to speak clearly. His hand sped up, and he was intentionally squeezing Sollux’s dick harder, just the way he liked it.

 

Sollux’s breath hitched at the change of pace. He was close. Dangerously close. He had to get Dave moving before he blew his load everywhere. He “accidentally” let his lips brush against Dave’s ear Ashe spoke once more, “I love you.” 

 

And Dave shook like a leaf on a windy day, and cried out, muffling his moan in Sollux’s shirt. His cum splattered against both of their chests but his hand never stopped its fast pace. Sollux came a few seconds later, eyes closed tight as a groan fell out of his half open mouth. 

 

They stayed like that for a good minute, breathing hard. It wasn’t until Dave made a noise of disgust that Sollux opened his eyes.

 

“Fuck. We’re gross.” He said, cheeks burning as he surveyed the mess. 

 

Sollux pulled him into a hug regardless, disregarding the jizz mess. He placed a kiss on David’s forehead. “You looooove me.” 

 

Dave screeched, arms flailing in an attempt to escape. “Oh my GOD. Sollux, you ASS. We’re covered in _cum_ and all you can think about is being a sap.” 

 

“Yeah, exactly. You came right when I profeththed my undying love for you.” Sollux said smugly, nuzzling against his boyfriend. “ _You’re_ the sap, DV.” 

 

Dave was silent for a few moments before heaving a sigh. “Fuck you.”

 

“That’th the plan.” 

 

Sollux was rewarded with a jab to the side.


	9. Opposite sex (e.g. change who gives and receives)- Cronkri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((NOT Humanstuck. Also I got a little carried away with this one tbh ;D It’s light bondage, and light footplay. ))

“Cronus,” Kankri’s voice was soft and sweet, like saccharine. “Do you think you’ve been a good enough boy to earn my bulge?” 

 

Cronus couldn’t respond. His mouth had been gagged and his hands were tied behind his head. His ashen face was flushed violet and his legs were spread almost painfully wide, revealing his drooling nook and writhing bulge. A vibrator was plunged into his waiting hole, turned to the lowest setting.

 

He managed to nod to answer Kankri’s question, despite how out of it he was. This had to be at least hour two of Kankri’s little game and he was surprised that he was still conscious. 

 

Kankri tsked and cracked his whip against Cronus’s already abused thigh. Cronus’s scream was muffled by his gag, and fresh tears spilled out of his heavy lidded eyes. 

 

“Wrong.” Kankri crossed his arms, looking displeased. “You’re never going to be good enough for my bulge, Cronus. You’re a pathetic, terrible little wriggler.”

 

Cronus whined, squeezing his eyes shut tight when Kankri turned up the notch on the vibrator. It wasn’t enough to push him over the edge, just enough to make him thrust his hips upward for some kind of friction.

 

“See? Pathetic.” Kankri pressed his bare foot against Cronus’s bulge. Cronus crooned as his bulge wrapped around Kankri’s toes, feeling relief at getting some friction. Kankri’s foot pressed harder down, almost enough to be painful. Cronus almost sobbed at the overwhelming feelings.

 

“You’re getting off on this.” It was a statement. A true, shameful statement. Cronus’s cheeks burned in shame at the truth of it, and Kankri laughed. It was a sharp, joyless sound. Mocking and cruel. 

 

“Do you want me to take the gag off?” he asked innocently enough, removing his foot altogether and then scowling as he surveyed the mess of violet genetic material between his toes. “Eugh, you’ve made my foot all dirty. You’re going to have to clean it up, and maybe I’ll consider rewarding you.”

 

Cronus nodded frantically, like a bobblehead. He’d do _anything_ for that candy red bulge to be inside of him right this minute. 

 

Kankri smiled. Predatory. He moved to untie the gag and as it slipped off of Cronus’s lips, and the moment the violetblood took a breath, his word flushed out all at once.

 

“Please, Kan, I’ll do anythin ta make it up ta ya. Let me lick it up for ya, correct the sin I’ve made. _Please._ ” 

 

Kankri looked pleased at this. He placed his soiled foot just in reach of Cronus’s drooling mouth. “Please make sure that you do. I wouldn’t want to punish you once more, Cronus.”

 

Cronus made work of licking up his own seed from each of Kankri’s toes, sucking on the digits until they were sparkling clean. When he was satisfied with his work, he pulled away, looking up at Kankri with expectant eyes.

 

Kankri surveyed his foot for a solid minute, before giving Cronus a half smile. “Well I suppose that does warrant a reward. Given you can ask me nicely for it.” 

 

Cronus didn’t hesitate. “Please, please, please, please _fuck me_ , Kan. I’ll die vwithout your big bulge fillin me up soon. I really vwill.”

 

“Oh, and we wouldn’t want that, now would we?” Kankri said almost coyly, unzipping his tights and tossing them to the side. Cronus could see that Kankri’d already popped a wiggly in his bright ass cherry red boxers. 

 

Cronus salivated when Kankri finally pulled off his boxers, and his bulge was that to be praised. Cronus had to stop himself from singing to it. He didn’t think that would fare well in this scenario.

 

Kankri positioned himself between Cronus’s waiting legs, the head of his bulge pushing in the waiting hole when Cronus’s eyes widened in shock.

 

“Kan! Kan, the _vwibrator_ is still in there!” He protested, trying to move against his restraints.

 

“I am aware.” Answered Kankri as he continued to press inside, snug right against the bullet vibrator, and Cronus let out a long, drawn out groan. He’d never felt so absolutely _full_ before. 

 

“Kan, fuuhh—fuck, please, just—“ 

 

Kankri pressed his bare chest against Cronus’s, peppering kisses on his jawline and earfins to calm him down. As Kankri bottomed out, Cronus was practically writhing in his arms, uncomfortable but at the same time, totally at ease.

 

“You can always use the safeword if this is too much.” Kankri whispered in his ear, breaking his sadistic character. “I promise I won’t be angry with you.”

 

Cronus let out a deep, shuddering breath, eyes clenched tight. “No, no. No, just. Givwe me a minute.”

 

Kankri obeyed this, staying perfectly still until Cronus gave him the okay with a shaky breath. Kankri started moving all at once, lips sucking bruising hickies into his flesh as his bulge followed at the same, hard and fast pace. 

 

At this point, Cronus’s back was arched off of the bed and his restraints were pulled taut—the ropes digging into his flesh. None of the pain took away from the pleasure, it only managed to add to it. Kankri’s bulge was pressing the vibrator right against his shameglobes as he was literal seconds away from busting his load. He held out his best, however, waiting so Kankri could come with him.

 

It was when Kankri started making those cute little breathless chitters that Cronus realized he was really fucking close too. Cronus wished he was free enough to flip them over and shave his bulge into Kankri’s tight little nook too, but this was Kankri’s night. Kankri was in charge. And boy howdy, was he good at it. 

 

Kankri came first with a muffled shout, his genetic material sloshing inside of Crocus, who whined at the extra pressure. Kankri wrapped his clumsy fingers around Cronus’s bulge, and with a few tugs, Cronus blew with a silent cry, back arching and mouth forming a perfect O.

 

They lay for a few seconds to catch their breath, before Cronus whistled.

 

“Glory.” He said, surveying the mess. “Wve sure know hovw ta paint the tovwn red and purple, huh?”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lmao ampora blowjobs
> 
> Humanstuck. Eridan and Cronus already have a preexisting relationship as fuckbuddies. Eridan is a fashion major, Cronus is a high school dropout.

Two sharp knocks on the door caused Eridan to sigh in frustration. He carefully placed his sketches away in a folder, hidden behind his desk from prying eyes, before standing and pushing his chair under his cluttered desk. 

 

The obnoxious knocks picked up speed, echoing off of his bedroom walls like an insistent jackhammer.

 

Eridan rolled his eyes in aggravation, “Someone had better be dead or dying!” he snapped, fussing with his messy hair in front of his purple vanity. He’d specifically told everyone to leave him be while he was working unless the house was on fire or a new season of _Project Runway_ had been announced. He hoped it was the latter.

 

It was no surprise that Cronus had been the one knocking like a maniac. His smile was predatory as he leaned against the jamb of the doorway, obviously just trying to look cool and swave, but he honestly just came off as a giant tool. He was wearing the clothes that their father had a conniption about—too tight jeans, stained white tshirt, and old leather jacket with patches covering up the holes, but his angular features were surprisingly clean of their usual coat of car grease.

 

As soon as he opened his mouth, he confirmed what you already knew. “Papa’s not home.” 

 

“Okay. And?” Eridan was more than a little peeved. After all, he had a deadline to meet. Cronus’s presence was more of a nuisance than anything. 

 

Cronus didn’t look offended at all despite Eridan’s obvious disinterest. He ran a hand through his greaseslicked hair, expression amused. “And I wvas thinkin’ that wve could _hang_ , if ya catch my drift.”

 

Eridan raised a brow at this. He scoffed, “So, wwhat I’m hearin’ is, you’re bored and you wwant to fuck ‘cause Dad’s out.” 

 

Cronus just shrugged. “Vwell, yeah.” 

 

“Evver considered that I might be busy, Cro?”

 

“Are you?” He asked with genuine surprise in his voice. “I thought Project Runwvay didn’t come back ‘till April.” 

 

Eridan crossed his arms over his chest, a scowl growing on his features. “Fuck you. I don’t just sit around an wwatch TV all day, thank you vvery much!” 

 

“Awv, c’mon, kid. I’m desperate.” Cronus wrapped his arms around his little brother’s waist, burying his head in Eridan’s neck. He smelled of cheap aftershave and motor oil, and Eridan stiffened but didn’t push him away. Cronus was just that pitiful. 

 

Eridan heaved a sigh after a few seconds of silence, placing a chaste kiss on the top of his brother’s hair. “Fine. Wwhatevver.” 

 

===>

 

Eridan was too immersed in Cronus’s surprisingly full lips to notice that they’d gone all the way down the hall in a whirlwind of hot, heavy makeouts, now leaning against their Dad’s bedroom door.

 

He did notice, however, when Cronus opened the door with an almost silent creak, the two of them stumbling inside.

 

“Cro,” Eridan began, breathless against his brother’s soft lips. “Wwhy are wwe—“

 

Cronus pulled away just long enough to close the door behind them and lock it, before smiling devilishly at his little brother. He pointed at the huge mirror on the top of their Dad’s four post canopy bed, expression mischievous.

 

“’Cause I want ya to see how slutty you really are, Eri.” 

 

Before Eridan could even form a coherent protest, he was swept off his feet and onto the plush bed, furnished with the finest silk sheets he’d ever felt on his skin. Cronus was on top of him, kissing and mouthing his neck and collarbone like it was the only thing holding him to earth.

 

His fear at being caught was smashed as soon as he glanced upward, meeting his reflection’s frightened gaze. He was being devoured by his own brother, on his father’s bed of all places. He _was_ a slut, there was no way around the way Cronus was making his dick ache. 

 

Aforementioned dick was now being freed of its cloth confines, and Cronus only paused long enough to laugh at Eridan’s choice in underwear—purple lace hipcut panties—before pressing hot and heavy kisses through the sheer fabric. Once again, Eridan’s back arched off the mattress as he met his wanton gaze in his reflection, noticing how red his face had gotten just from being fondled. 

 

He couldn’t take his eyes off of himself as Cronus finally freed his aching erection and took it all in one gulp. Waves of pleasure rolled through the younger’s stomach as he pulled his own shirt up to his chest, thumbing his already taut nipples. 

 

“Fuu—Cro, _god damn!_ ” Eridan squeaked as Cronus ran his tongue over the underside of his dick, hollowing his cheeks and bobbing his head. He was really fucking good at this, and Eridan didn’t doubt that he’d been practicing. Eridan’s brain had been reduced to a mantra of _fuck_ as he watched himself get sucked off in the mirror.

 

It only took a few more seconds for Eridan to come completely undone, and he cried out loud enough for the neighbors to hear as he came, yanking Cronus’s hair in the hard way that he liked it. Cronus made a strangled sound of pleasure as he swallowed all of it, palming himself through his jeans. 

 

It took the older a few seconds to regain his composure, and when he did, he looked up at Eridan with wide, gold rimmed eyes.

 

Eridan was breathing heavily as he gazed back down at his brother. “Hm?”

 

“I just fuckin’ jizzed in my pants ovwer a blowvjob.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((They’re already bfs :D))

Your name is JAKE ENGLISH and man, your grandma’s award ceremonies were really boring! Of course, you always liked seeing her succeed and whatnot, but not the three hours afterwards where she lollies around to chat with her colleagues—that part can be dreadfully dull.

 

So, this time, you thought ahead and invited Dirk. You’d chatted it up a bit, making it seem like more fun than it was, and he agreed to go without any fuss. 

 

Of course, that was a whooping six hours ago.

 

Now, the two of you were sitting at a lavishly decorated table, eating the provided dinner, people watching, and giggling like a couple of loons. Dirk, being the charmer he is, had snuck in two bottles of his older brother’s most expensive alcohol in his suit jacket. You had reservations about drinking it at first—you were seventeen now and it wasn’t the first time you’d had alcohol, but what if you did something terribly stupid and embarrass your grandma? 

 

Of course, these reservations started to slide around hour four, and now you were halfway through your bottle of whatever it was. It stung like hell going down but it made you feel nice and warm afterwards. You were a silly drunk, shouting a bit too loud than you meant to, and Dirk, well Dirk was a calm drunk. He stared at you as you made a blathering fool of yourself, but you noticed the soft pink flush to his cheeks as he took another long swig of the burning liquid. 

 

He licked his lips and leaned forward in his chair, close close close. 

 

You smelled his cologne mixed with the booze. Intoxicating.

 

“Strider,” You try to begin, but your lips feel like they’re aflame. “Strider, are you--?”

 

“Hell yeah I am.” He answers for you, grinning predatorily. 

 

Your insides burn at the admission. He’s…. _hot and heavy_ in public! You recognized the soft parted lips and little pants as arousal. 

 

The two of you have the same idea at the same time, and you can’t get to the bathroom fast enough. The hall is crowded with world famous scientists and engineers, all throwing you looks of disdain as you jostle your way through the crowd.

 

The bathroom is huge and spacious, one of those with two long hallways full of stalls painted a gold tint. It smelled of expensive handsoaps and cologne, and the voices of middle aged men wafted through the air.

 

You glanced at the second long hallway of stalls, thankfully finding it void of anyone, and grabbed Dirk’s wrist as you rushed to the largest stall.

 

His lips were on yours before you could take a breath—he tasted like burning and felt like silk. The aftertaste of orange something lingered on his tongue as he prodded your lips open, pinning you against the wall like he was afraid you would leave. 

 

Your glasses clicked and your noses bumped, drool pooled at your chins and your crotch was getting uncomfortably tight, but this was the hottest thing. Even if you both reeked of booze. 

 

You draw a moan out of Dirk when you move to bite and suck on his neck, albeit a little sloppily. You glance up at him, his hair in a state of disarray and his sunglasses laying off of his nose, and you conclude that he’s the hottest. 

 

You take his glasses off and sit them on the back of the toilet, and his beautiful topaz eyes are trained on you, half lidded and lusty. In your drunken haze, you lose yourself briefly in that expression, your already hard dick throbbing in your slacks. 

 

Dirk’s unzipping his, shimmying out of his briefs. He kisses you almost shyly as you fumble out of your pants and boxers, letting them fall to the floor with a loud clank. His soft, nimble fingers wrap around the soft flesh of both of you, and you aren’t able to stop the low groan you emit. Sparks of pleasure erupt in your abdomen as he runs his hand up and down your lengths, soft pants coming out of the two of you.

 

It’s loud. It’s loud and sloppy and so very obvious that you’re getting your jollies in public, but the two of you are too drunk to think straight. You think you hear Dirk’s shades ping from their perch on the toilet, but your brain suddenly flashes white when he twists his wrist just the right way, and you’re releasing all over his fancy suit jacket with a yelp. He doesn’t wait too long after that to give yours the same treatment and you’re both a sticky, sweaty mess.

 

You both laugh about it for weeks.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LISTEN!!!!  
> THIS CHAPTER HAS *QUESTIONABLE CONSENT*. IT MIGHT BE TRIGGERING!!!!!!!

She knows that you won’t fall in love with her. You can’t. It’d be a lot easier if you could, and you’ve tried, but his face is always there, in the back of your mind. He doesn’t love you, and you don’t love her. The situation is oddly surreal for you, because when you’re with her, it’s a little easier to focus on the physical pleasure than the gaping hole in your heart. 

 

You both don’t talk about it. It was something that happened on accident anyway, you were drunk and heartbroken and she was there and smelled of everything good in the world. It just kept happening from then on, and you made no move to stop her advances. Not that you wanted to. 

 

It was admittedly nice, no strings attached and you could still be friends with her. She didn’t treat you different regardless of what you do behind closed doors together.

 

This time, you were alone in your apartment. Your roommate had bailed an hour previous and you literally had nothing else to do, you’d accomplished your homework weeks in advance and all of your ideas for entertainment met a wall. You sat on the couch in a daze, watching reruns of Sailor Moon.

 

The ping on your shades made your heart lift just a little, however.

 

\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]—

 

TG: dirk. 

 

TG: im coming over.

 

TG: now.

 

TT: Key’s under the mat.

 

TG: K thanks.

 

\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] went offline!—

 

You surmise that you have exactly sixty seconds to put deodorant on and fix your hair, which you accomplished right as the jingle of the keys echoed throughout the apartment. She doesn’t talk as she catches your gaze without the protection of your shades, and she looks utterly wrecked. Completely. Her hair is a mess and her makeup is smeared like she’s been bawling her eyes out. Her clothes are wrinkled and you’re ninety percent sure she’s not wearing underwear at all. 

 

You’re concerned.

 

“Rox. We’re not doin’ this when ya look like a—“ 

 

“Shut the fuck up, Strider.” She snaps at you, and she’s on you in a second, her lips soft and warm against yours. You want to pull away and berate her and ask her what’s wrong, but she’s so close and so warm, you can’t fight it. She manages to maneuver you on your back on the futon, looking up at her perky breasts as she freed them from the confines of her tshirt. 

 

“Roxy—“ you try to plead with her. You’re scared for her wellbeing. 

 

“Dirk.” She’s looking at you intently. Her pink eyes are blown wide and tears edge the rims. She’s beautiful, even wrecked like this. You wish that your heart would race for her. 

 

You swallow, “Hm?” 

 

“If you really want me to feel better, you’ll let me do this. Okay?” 

 

You hesitate, but slowly concede with a nod that gets a small smile in return.

 

She shoves her soft breasts in your face and you close your eyes, running your tongue over the plush sensitive mounds. She shudders above you, her breathing coming out in small pants from her parted lips. 

 

Her hips rock above yours, grinding down on your crotch through the thin fabric of your sweatpants and you curse at the feeling. It’s good but your stomach feels like you’re riding a rollercoaster of emotion. 

 

She makes work of pulling you free from your pants, and her hand are cold against your flaccid dick. You hiss and she takes the cue to settle between your legs, pressing soft kisses to the vein on the underside of your dick. It sparks just the tiniest bit of pleasure in you, but you’re thinking too hard to enjoy this. Usually you don’t think when she does this, but your brain is zooming a million miles per hour and you think you’re going to be sick. 

 

When she starts bobbing her head and hollowing her cheeks the way you like, you manage to get hard enough but you feel slightly nauseous as you close your eyes and try to imagine that you’re not here, that you’re somewhere in the middle of the ocean with the breeze and the salty smell and the—

 

“Fuck.”

 

You open your eyes just as she’s positioning herself over you, and you let out a small gasp as she seats herself on you in one fluid moment. Usually, you just close your eyes and pretend it’s Jake or even some random celebrity guy you have the hots for, but this time it’s all real. Too real. It’s Roxy and her face and her smell and her soft moans of encouragement are all in your space as she bounces on your dick and you feel like you’re GOING TO fUCKING SCREAM—

 

She screams your name when she finishes. Sobs wreck through her small frame and she collapses against your chest, her soft noises filling the silence.

 

You stare at the ceiling, absentmindedly petting her hair. You didn’t come, you didn’t want to come. You kinda just want to shower and sleep for an eternity.

 

“Dirk.” Her tears are smeared on your chest as she burrows her face, hiding from you. “Dirk. I’m sorry.” 

 

“For what?” You say. Your voice is surprisingly calm. Steady.

 

“This. Everything. Me.” Her voice is muffled.

 

You don’t respond. You just lick your dry lips and sigh.

 

This was going to be a long night.


End file.
